RETURN OF THE PHOENIX – USE YOUR WORDS

Here we are in May and our focus returns to the task at hand. We’ve written a glut of worded wonder and have a strong base upon which to build. Now, we will resume the learning process and there is an exciting experiment I have planned in the coming months. Congratulations to all poets who finished their chosen challenge(s), who even attempted to maintain an interest in the poetic process. No matter your skill level or age, you have shown your devotion to poetry and we applaud and thank you!

Thank you also to the poets who featured their April poems here at PHOENIX RISING POETRY GUILD. It was good to see the activity continue here!

Since we’ve worked through a month of brain wracking poetics, I’ll start us off with an exploration of words.

Choose a poem you’ve written in the past, or  more recently for the April challenge and replace words with their synonym equivalents and see how (or if) it changes the timber, meter, sound or meaning of the poem. Maybe use opposite (antonym) words and write the contrary poem. Include the original poem for comparison is you wish. Either way, let’s take the momentum of April and continue to celebrate poetry and our poetic lives.

Welcome Back, and RISE UP!

 

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166 thoughts on “RETURN OF THE PHOENIX – USE YOUR WORDS

  1. […] can find the original poem here. The “revised” version is in response to Phoenix Rising Guild prompt to replace words in a poem with its […]

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  2. My original poem were a set of hy(na)ku based on beautifully-sounding words paired with how they felt when I said each word. I chose to do a negation version of the poem.
    https://proudmommaofgirls.wordpress.com/2015/05/03/incomplete-division-a-negation-poem/

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Resurrecting Demons

    Tell me, please, just how to curb
    The sneering voices, once entombed
    Too-soon exhumed to taunt / disturb.

    (My original poem “Bury an Angel” is here: http://picturedwords.me/2015/05/01/bury-an-angel/ )

    Liked by 4 people

  4. William Preston

    BLACK HOLE

    All darkness
    flows
    toward foresight.

    STAR BRIGHT

    All that light
    comes
    from looking back.

    I attempted a piku negating an earlier one, the second shown here. This exercise is a mind-stretcher.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Brilliant -you nailed this.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Leave out, don’t feel
    hurried specters
    uprooted from space.

    Fantasies of people,
    delusions of places,
    ghost of the past,
    mystic pessimisms.

    Brush off – all-day,
    all-times
    grappling thoughts
    of wayward specters.

    * Original from about ten years ago…

    * Reach out again to feel
    lingering memories
    set back in time.

    Memories of people,
    memories of places,
    memories of the past.
    Dreams and hopes for the future.

    Reach out today – any day –
    anytime to feel again –
    to hold again – the memories.

    —Be back later to read and comment.
    got’a run. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  7. connielpeters

    Hey, it’s good to be back writing with you all.
    This was a fun exercise. I am definitely going to look over any poems I submit for publication and make sure I’m using the most interesting and appropriate words. The first poem is the original. The second one is with synonyms. I’ll probably end up with something between the two for the final draft.

    In the Moment

    When You gently urge me
    to act, go, give,
    instead of seeing
    the tangled briars in my way,
    I need to look
    for that opening,
    believing if You called me
    You made a way,
    and take those steps of faith.

    Lord, work in my heart
    that I can discern Your Voice
    and be ready to obey
    in the moment.
    Not making excuses,
    procrastinating,
    or looking back,
    like Lot’s wife,
    but go forth as Abraham.

    In the Twinkling

    When You tenderly exhort me
    to move, function, contribute,
    and replace the vision
    of jumbled briars in my path,
    I crave to scout
    for that gate,
    trusting that if You requested me
    You provided a road,
    and proceed in confidence.

    Lord, control the core of my being
    that I’m able to detect Your Spirit
    and be prepared to follow
    in a flash.
    Not protesting,
    putting You off,
    or lingering,
    like Lot’s wife,
    but advance as Abraham.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. […] – RETURN OF THE PHOENIX – USE YOUR WORDS – Choose a poem you’ve written in the past, or  more recently for the April challenge and […]

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  9. Thank you, for this excellent idea, Walt…I always enjoy reworking poems into new creations. :)’s to all rising in the guild!!

    Memo from the Meadow (a tanka)

    Meadow has broken
    look – land whispers audibly
    a gem-green question…
    will you be concerned for field
    like you’d be for your own flesh?

    Copyright © Hannah Gosselin 2015

    And this is the poem I worked from…

    Message from the Sea (a tanka)

    Ocean has spoken
    listen – sea speaks truth clearly
    a pink-coral plea –
    will you care deeply for me
    like you would for your own blood?

    Copyright © Hannah Gosselin 2015

    Liked by 2 people

  10. This poem falls flat with synonyms.

    Original:

    Fourth of July, 1776 . . .
    America became an infant
    country. We grew,
    we prospered too, yet at times
    I wonder–if the country’s
    thunder had not burst in air–
    what it might be like now.
    What of our phrases, spellings,
    medical care, and space travel
    to the moon? Why, our national
    anthem would be a different tune.

    Using synonyms:

    Fourth of July, 1776 . . .
    United States became a baby
    homeland. We matured,
    we flourished as well, yet,
    at times I ponder if the mother-
    land’s bellow had not erupted
    in air–what if might be like now.
    What of our expressions, connotations,
    medical concerns, and space journeys
    to the moon? Why, our public
    spiritual would be a different
    melody.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Here is my original and my attempt at this challenge

    music filters through
    my days in the reveille
    of the waking sun
    soft wind humming in my ear
    the moon’s peaceful call of taps

    —————-

    notes rain down on
    me daily through the
    trumpet call of morning
    gentle susurration of a breeze
    a moonbeams gentle lullaby

    Liked by 2 people

  12. START OF UNHAPPINESS
    (a shadorma)

    Settled in
    her shade, I observe
    brightness and
    lush pastures
    as the land about me is
    empty and barren.

    The original, from Day 26 of PAD:

    DAWN OF DISCONTENT
    (a shadorma)

    Standing in
    her shadow, I see
    sunshine and
    greener grass
    while the ground around me lies
    fallow and frozen.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. To Memories

    What do memories drink?
    They drink of green,
    of children’s hopes,
    of crowning dreams,
    of mirrors filled with summer
    that ripen to its fall.
    Memories whose shadows
    grow across the wall,
    still dazzled
    when memories sip of dawn.
    They drink of that and those
    two little ones at play —
    of mingled tears,
    mingled laughter,
    mingled strife,
    Memories like two flowers
    knocked together by the wind.

    //

    The original is posted at The Found Poetry Review’s April Challenge website: http://www.pomosco.com/conceptual/substitute-texter/what-do-kisses-drink/

    Liked by 2 people

  14. A great beginning! Welcome back, my Poetic Peeps! Enjoying the work so far, working on my entry and looking forward to read more! You ladies and gentlemen rock! Walt.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. We have a solid rock to bounce with. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  16. […] for Phoenix Rising, based on an original poem for Found Poetry Review’s PoMoSco Month. The original is a […]

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  17. […] The Phoenix Rising Poetry Guild has challenged us to take one of the poems we wrote for PAD and revise it by exchanging some of our words with synonyms. I chose a poem I wrote for the Shakespeare prompt for PAD. That prompt was to use words created by Shakespeare and write a poem. I ended up deleting many of those words. (Sorry, William) It is striking how changing a few words can heighten (or lessen) the impact of a poem. Revision is the best friend of a poet. Although I know some poets who never need to revise. […]

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  18. […] Phoenix Rising invites us to take an old poem and go all ninja synonym or antonym on it. I’ve chosen this […]

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Hi, gang. Happy to be here, and happy to be poeming at a slightly slower pace. 😉

    new poem:

    hollowness

    i have moved
    heaven and earth to hold
    your invisible epithet
    (tiny and turned to stone)
    as my parlance for just this
    moment, ample,
    too spun out. But it
    longs to overflow forth into
    the earth,

    a warbling of birds.

    .

    old poem:

    futility

    i have tried
    to keep your secret
    name small and still
    on my tongue for such
    a time and much
    too long, but it
    wants to spill out into
    the world,

    a song.

    .

    Liked by 3 people

  20. Here’s another attempt at this using the Naani prompt form the April challenge

    Stars bathed in moonlight
    Planets showered under the
    Milky Way and we looked up
    Voyeurs watching the show

    ————

    Stars drowning in moonlight
    Planets washed away with
    The Solar System we turned
    our faces to the ground

    Liked by 2 people

  21. A BRIDGE TO DAYLIGHT

    There is a small window
    where light and night converge.
    We get this urge to ignore the transition
    and take the position that day is day
    and night is night; meeting twains
    pass when darkness fades. In the shade
    of a stone monolithic bridge there is a smidgen
    of gray where the bright light is emitted.
    You are committed to cross over into
    the next tomorrow with joy! No sorrow
    rests within its scope. You hope to bask
    until dusk crossing over a bridge to daylight!

    ***Posted at The Poetry Park = Prompt #8 “You Can Get There From Here” – 26 Feb 2015

    CROSSING OVER

    A tiny aperture,
    light and dark conjoined.
    Longing to be the change,
    knowing each dawning is mourning
    and night is death’s ally.
    Passing from phase to phase.
    From the haze, a monument;
    a link where they are engaged,
    enraged with brilliance.
    Your spirit seeks to cross
    into that new day joyfully.
    Sadness does not survive.
    The bridge spans into that good night.

    ***Use Your Words – 5 May 2015

    © Walter J. Wojtanik

    Liked by 2 people

  22. OK…the experiment I posted above was to use synonyms. Reading Debi’s contrasting images from using antonyms, I tried something different. Instead of USING antonyms, I wrote from a contrasting feeling…not my usual poetic-melancholy outlook…

    DAWN OF HAPPINESS
    (a shadorma)

    Emerging
    from her shadow, I’m
    bathed in light
    and lushness
    of life. Behind me are the
    days of discontent.

    Like

  23. Original Version − in response to PAD Day 30 prompt: “Bury the…”

    DON’T BURY THE DREAM

    By: Nurit Israeli

    Don’t bury the dream. Not yet.
    Don’t let it go into the dark of
    night, recede into shadows,
    vanish behind veils of fear
    where could-have-beens hover.

    Don’t let pallbearers pull
    the dream away. Not yet.
    Graveyards are filled with
    dreams buried too soon,
    for no rhyme nor good reason.

    Don’t bury the dream. Not yet.
    Move inward. Rewind. Dive
    beneath the bruises. Recover
    what you left behind when
    wrong turns lead you astray.

    Don’t bury the dream. Pull
    it gently out of the embers of
    smoldering pain. Hold it closely.
    Feel it pulse through your body.
    Let it bounce back to the center.

    Don’t give up. Let the dream
    rise like a phoenix and spark
    your longings. Start there, at the
    longings. Let the longings linger.
    Let the yearnings lead.

    Don’t bury the dream. Not yet.
    Don’t let rough winds baffle
    bluebirds of hope. Go past
    the heartbreak to all that
    is pure and wholesome.

    Find a right way. Recover
    the beauty. Weave good threads
    into a tapestry of what can still be.
    Restore. Adjust. Rebalance.
    Devise a new ending.

    Don’t bury the dream. Pause.
    You are not done yet. It’s not time
    for final farewells. Bring back the
    moment just before the end began.
    Don’t turn off the lights.

    New Version − using opposite words (primarily: “Hold on” instead of “Don’t bury…”) and replacing words with their synonyms.

    HOLD ONTO THE DREAM

    By: Nurit Israeli

    Hold onto the dream.
    Don’t let it slip away,
    recede into shadows,
    vanish behind veils of fear
    where could-have-beens hover.

    Don’t let pallbearers pull
    out the dream. Not yet.
    Graveyards are filled with
    dreams buried too soon,
    for no rhyme nor good reason.

    Hold onto your dream.
    Move inward. Rewind.
    Dive beneath the bruises.
    Recover what was left when
    wrong turns lead you astray.

    Don’t drop a wounded dream.
    Pull it out of the embers of
    smoldering pain. Hold it close.
    Feel it pulse through your body.
    See it bounce back to the center.

    Don’t give up. Let the dream
    rise like a phoenix and spark
    your longings. Start there, at the
    longings. Let the longings linger.
    Let the yearnings lead.

    Hold fast. Summon the will.
    Don’t let rough winds
    baffle bluebirds of hope.
    Go past the heartbreak
    to all that is still right.

    Find a way, even though.
    Weave good threads into
    a tapestry of what can still be.
    Attune. Adjust. Amend.
    Devise a new ending.

    Hold onto the dream.
    Pause. It’s not time yet for
    final farewells. Bring back the
    moment before the end began.
    Don’t turn off the lights.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. “Don’t turn off the light” – love it!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. There are so many wonderful cup rewrites here, each version as expressive as the next. The purpose of this exercise was to do just that, give us a new perspective to our inspirations! Thanks for contributing and for your wonderful support. Walt

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